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As I See It: What can neighbors do to prevent domestic violence?

Telegram & Gazette - 11/22/2019

The domestic-violence-related death in Westboro last week is a tragedy for all those involved. While we know little of the details, as domestic violence advocates, we want to address why it may be that neighbors, friends, colleagues and others often express surprise when the media asks for a response after a domestic violence incident ("Neighbors react to Westboro officer-involved shooting: 'I never suspected something like this'," Nov. 16, 2019).

Despite decades of work in the anti-sexual and domestic violence movements, interpersonal violence continues to thrive in secrecy. People still have a hard time accepting that abuse happens in every community -- even their neighborhood, workplace or congregation. Twenty-five years after the passage of the Violence Against Women Act, which raised awareness and established federal laws and funding streams, far too many survivors are still unable to seek or access help -- due to stigma, economic insecurity, fears for safety, not being believed and perhaps deportation.

Reporting about domestic violence can also unwittingly contribute to a narrative that an offender seemed like a nice guy, that neighbors had no idea, that the person must have just "snapped." Domestic violence, including related deaths, does not happen out of the blue. Domestic violence deaths are quite often predictable and therefore preventable.

Another dynamic at play is the manipulation of the situation by the person causing harm in the first place. They consistently isolate the victim while also often projecting a public persona of someone who is totally in control. Which in fact they are: because people who abuse are masters of coercion and control that can include physical, sexual, financial and emotional violence.

Local sexual and domestic violence agencies such as ours are devoted to serving those in need as well as educating the public regarding the complex and intersectional dynamics of abuse. Our expertise can help neighbors as well as media consumers understand the context in which a domestic violence homicide occurs.

We urge the media along with health care providers, social workers, and others to help make sure victims, friends, and family know where they can access services and support.

With more information and resources we can all be better at seeing the signs, asking questions, and offering assistance when appropriate. Together we can create a culture that believes victims and does not penalize them--and a society that does more to intervene and help prevent abuse.

The next time an article runs perhaps the headline will be: "What neighbors are saying about domestic violence in their community ... and what they are doing to prevent it."

--Deborah Hall, MS, is director of Domestic Violence Services for YWCA Central Massachusetts, and Marcia Szymanski is president/executive director of New Hope Inc.

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