Domestic violence: Preventing the pattern through education

MORGAN COUNTY

Editor's note: This article is the third in a three-part series dealing with ending domestic violence in Morgan County.

Children raised in an environment of domestic violence and sexual assault/molestation are likely to become abusers or live with partners who abuse them. So it only makes sense to start education about these problem behaviors early. Although Indiana mandates that schools address bullying and suicide with students, it does not mandate a formal curriculum on domestic violence.

Mooresville Police Chief Danny Allen said his officers do not visit the schools to talk about this topic - at least not yet. Sheriff Robert Downey of the Morgan County Sheriff's Department said his deputies do not bring information to the schools on the warning signs of domestic abuse, date rape or dating violence.

"For us it's a manpower issue, and the school schedule is tight with 180 instructional days that have to be completed," Downey said. "But I would like to see children educated on behaviors toward each other starting in Kindergarten and on through 12th grade."

Ann Madison of Peace Restored in Mooresville, which treats women who have faced traumatic events in their lives, agrees with Downey.

"I would like to see the schools offer programs on healthy relationships and teaching healthy boundary setting," Madison said. "Teach a class at middle school/high school level about date rape and consent. They could also teach good coping skills and resiliency, which are key for young people to learn just in case of a trauma occurring."

Dr. Michele Moore, superintendent of the Metropolitan School District of Martinsville, said even though there is no state mandate on domestic violence curriculum, the high school does offer an elective class on healthy relationships in the family and consumer science department.

In health classes, teachers can discuss it as part of their wellness curriculum. Moore added that starting in the elementary schools, there is a character component that encourages students to have compassion and empathy for others, to show kindness and consideration.

Tonja Eagan, public affairs spokesman for the Social Health Association of Indiana, said a component to be used in middle schools and in high schools in partnership with the Domestic Violence Network is in its second school year. Called CARE - Communicating with and Respecting Each Other - it is a class that is taught to eighth grade students at Paul Hadley Middle School in Mooresville. Eagan said it is the only school in Morgan County using the program.

Paul Hadley's seventh and eighth grade students receive positive relationships training, as well as anti-bullying, as part of their health classes, according to Susan Haynes, communications and community relations director for Mooresville Schools.

CARE touches on healthy relationships, communication and violence in relationships, the effects of drugs and alcohol on behaviors, understanding consent and healthy conflict resolution. There is also optional discussion on when breaking up is appropriate in a dating relationship and the healthiest ways to do it.

Eagan said in the Indiana High School Survey of 2015 on youth risk behaviors, 10 percent of teens up to age 18 reported they had been involved in dating violence. Indiana also has abysmal statistics for sexual assault. In the same age group, one out of six girls had experienced sexual assault, and one out of 10 boys reported it.

"Of course, that number could include molestation, as well as date rape," Eagan added.

Colleen Yeakle leads the prevention work of the Indiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence. She said the ICADV has community partners around the state, doing work in a variety of settings to create safe and respectful cultures, including sports teams, high-risk neighborhoods, service agencies, sober living facilities and more.

"We are focused on promoting safe, stable and nurturing conditions across the community in order to make respectful, non-violent relationship behaviors the easy and expected choice," Yeakle said.

An overview of that work is shown in the ICADV's Small Moments web site at icadv5.wixsite.com/smallmoments. An important part of the Small Moments campaign includes the Council on Domestic Abuse, which offers this education to penitentiaries, schools and colleges, prisons and public housing authorities.

Victim part of family cycle

"Pam" (not her real name), 48, who has stayed at the Desert Rose shelter to escape her abusive situation more than once, said her own mother was abused, as well as her grandmother. Pam left her husband 10 to 15 times before she was able to do it for good. She endured more than two decades of abuse.

She said he broke bones, threatened her, verbally abused her and controlled her life. She said there were warning signs in the beginning, but the behavior was common to her. It was all she knew. That's why Pam believes early education about domestic violence and controlling behavior is necessary.

"I stayed because of the financial security, and we had two children. I was taught that kids needed a mom and a dad. I worked for 21 years and made good money. We were divorced, but then I went back again," Pam said. "I went back to Desert Rose again and finally got out on my own.

"I still struggle financially, and a big part of me takes the blame for staying. I feel like I've taken the blame all my life. I did get counseling and a lot of help from Desert Rose. I can't say enough about this program."

Pam said her grown children have been affected by their home life. Her son and daughter both suffer from anxiety, and her son has been verbally abusive to her. Pam's daughter married into addiction and is struggling with that. She has grandchildren, and said her life revolves around them.

For more information on CARE, go to socialhealth.org.

What is considered domestic abuse?

According to the Desert Rose Foundation, a member of Indiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence:

- Physical abuse: slapping, kicking, choking, spitting, punching, biting or pinching.

- Sexual abuse: forced sexual activity, sexual assault, sodomy.

- Emotional abuse: humiliation, intimidation, name-calling, demoralization, playing mind games, isolation.

- Financial: limiting a partner's access to family income or assets, disrupting or restricting employment.

Ask yourself: Does your spouse or partner constantly make you feel ashamed or degraded? Do they tell you what to do and who you can see? Have they threatened to hurt you or your family members? Have they ever pushed or hit you or forced you to have sex? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are a victim.

Research shows that in the United States, every 20 minutes a person is beaten or assaulted by their spouse or partner. It is the leading cause of serious injury to women and accounts for nearly 15 percent of all violent crime in the U.S. It is estimated that at least half of all incidences of abuse go unreported.

If threatened, what do I do?

- Avoid rooms without exits or with potential weapons such as a kitchen.

- Arrange a signal with a neighbor to let him or her know when you need help, such as pulling down a certain window shade.

- Discuss a safety plan with your children, including people they can call or go to in an emergency.

- Call 911 if you need immediate assistance. Know the numbers of local police or law enforcement.