Two simple words are spreading awareness about sexual assault

Courier-Tribune - 10/22/2017

Oct. 22--Editor's Note: The hashtag #MeToo exploded into the national consciousness a week ago, with individuals who had been sexually harassed or assaulted asked to respond 'me too' via social media.

According to RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network), an American is assaulted every 98 seconds -- and about two out of three sexual assaults go unreported. The Randolph Family Crisis Center fielded 162 reports of sexual assault in the last fiscal year -- individuals who walked into the office looking for help. The numbers have been significantly higher in recent months. From July-September, 75 victims of sexual assault came in.

ASHEBORO -- Earlier this week, Dare Spicer re-posted a Facebook entry from the Randolph Family Crisis Center. She is the executive director. Here is what it said:

#MeToo. Many people who have been sexually harassed or assaulted are writing "Me too" as their status. This is being done to give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem. If you have been sexually assaulted or harassed, our advocates are here to help. Call our 24/7 Crisis Line at (336) 626-5040. #YouAreNotAlone

Then Spicer posted it again.

This time, she added two simple but powerful words: me too.

In an interview this week, Spicer said she thought for several days before posting the status "me too." She was not sure she was ready to share her story about a sexual assault from her high school years. She anticipated that people would want to know.

It was a story she had never shared with anyone.

'Vulnerable position'

Why had she never told anyone that when she was in her mid-teens she had fended off a boy a couple of years older -- a boy she knew from school -- who had taken her to his house and attempted to force her to have sex?

"I was ashamed," she said. "I was embarrassed. I felt like I have put myself in that situation."

She told herself there was nothing to gain from telling anyone.

Spicer and her staff hear similar things from the women and men who show up at their office to report sexual assault.

About half do not want to tell who assaulted them. Many who come to the Randolph Family Crisis Center never go to police because they do not want to face the personal scrutiny that accompanies legal proceedings.

"They don't want to be revictimized," Spicer said. "You really put yourself out there. It's a vulnerable position."

The campaign

Tarana Burke created the "Me Too" campaign a decade ago, part of a nonprofit organization she created to help victims of sexual harassment and assault.

A week ago, actress Alyssa Milano took to Twitter. She wrote: "If you've been sexually harassed or assaulted write 'me too' as a reply to this tweet."

Soon, the world of social media exploded as women -- and men -- replied "me too."

Spicer took note.

"I thought that, like with all causes, a conversation has to start somewhere," she said. "We just need to get people together and talk and see what we can do to address the issue."

What is sexual assault?

It is a crime motivated by the need to control, humiliate, dominate and harm. It is forced or coerced sexual contact without consent. Sexual assault is:

* Rape.

* Incest.

* Child sexual abuse/molestation.

* Oral sex.

* Harassment.

* Exposing/flashing.

* Forcing a person to pose for sexual pictures.

* Fondling or unwanted sexual touching above or under clothing.

Force may include use or display of a weapon; physical battering; or immobilization of the victim.

"You need to tell someone if something happens that makes you feel uncomfortable," Spicer said.

Helping someone

The Joyful Heart Foundation (http://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org) and the not-for-profit Rape Victims Advocate organization (www.rapevictimadvocates.org) offer tips on how to respond to someone who discloses that they are experiencing, or have experienced, sexual assault. The advice includes:

* Listen without judgment. Sometimes you don't even need words (or at least, many words) to be there for someone. Many people share that just being able tell their story to someone else lessens the weight of isolation, secrecy and self-blame. Remember, listening alone can make a huge difference in someone's life.

* Let them know that you believe them. No one deserves abuse or violence. The only person to blame for violence and abuse is the perpetrator.

* Ask what more you can do to help. You can reach out to national hotlines for free, confidential help and/or referrals to local advocacy centers that offer additional counseling or assistance.

* Support their decisions. This point can be very difficult. It can be quite tempting to "fix" things or solve the problem immediately. By listening, allowing a survivor to make decisions for her/himself and assuring them that their decisions are supported, you can make a huge impact on that survivor's life.

'It's not acceptable'

"I don't think my story is any different than anybody else's," Spicer said. "We've all been in situations where you're at a party and a man will put his arm around you, rub your back. It may be innocent. Some people are just touchy-feely. But it may be to see if you will move a little closer. It's not acceptable to be touched without giving permission."

The Randolph Family Crisis Center office in Asheboro is on South Fayetteville Street. There are a number of other offices surrounding it. A lot of women work in those offices. Several times a week, Spicer said, men yell -- catcall -- from passing vehicles at women walking to and from their cars.

"I think men are under the misconception that women want and need the attention and appreciate it to some degree," she said. "It's not OK for you to whistle at me. It's not OK for you to push and push and push asking me for intercourse until I give in. Consent is saying yes. Consent is not not saying no or remaining silent."

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The Randolph Family Crisis Center has a newly organized Sexual Assault support group that meets weekly. For more information, call Tammie at 336-626-5040.

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Victim Advocacy Centers

* Asheboro

624-A S. Fayetteville St.

Asheboro, NC 27203

Business Line: 336-626-5040

Fax: 336-629-0523

* Archdale

1602 E. Fairfield Road

High Point, NC 27263

Business Line: 336-431-0072

Fax: 336-431-0076