Ask Liz - April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month

Every parent can get super stressed and feel like they are at the limit to “snap.“ There is help and on-going support and ideas thanks to the childwelfare.org. April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. A lot of people feel compassion, but don’t think it could happen to their children, their family, or their neighbors. The information is easy to access and updated for today’s challenging circumstances.

Dear Liz,

Over Spring Break I had a weird and scary experience with my 6-year-old daughter. My husband and the other kids had gone camping. I think she was bored, tired or maybe not feeling well; but she started snapping at me and refusing to do what I asked. She reminded me of myself as a teenager, door slamming and all. I tried reasoning, joking around, being stern with choices and consequences and it only got worse. When I locked myself in my room she started screaming like the house was on fire. I had not had to “pop” her on the bottom and wasn’t about to start when I’m angry myself. I suddenly had deep compassion for parents who lose it with their kids even to the point of abuse. While we both took a timeout, I found myself weeping on my bed. I starting researching “child abuse prevention” and read some helpful advice that calmed me down.

“Close call”

Dear “Close call,”

Every parent should read this and try to identify. In addition, one out of four adults were abused as children. Properly working through these issues is critical to good, sane parenting and self love. There still is a lot of opinion about corporal punishment (which worked for generations before us, to a point, but does not work in the long run and can all too easily backfire into abuse or be creating a child with low impulse control and a short fuse themselves). My rule of thumb is to check how you the parent is feeling. If you are feeling angry, resentful, or ready to retaliate you have let yourself go too far. And a parent timeout is essential. At calm times set agreements within the family that a “timeout” must be called and honored with guidelines for that time and space.

If you are annoyed, the child’s “goal” may be “quality” attention. That is the time to calmly stop what you are doing and make a fun plan (and follow through). For example, you might plan a trip to a nearby playground or park, a bike ride or board game. If you are feeling angry, the child’s subconscious goal may be power. So while things are still calm, offer opportunities for your child to take the lead: plan an activity, pick out and “teach” you to cook her favorite snack or meal. There is more information about children’s subconscious goals of misbehavior at thekidcounselor.com or Google “Children’s Goals of Misbehavior.“

While a simple and enlightening concept, it is too complicated to cover here. Please everyone, also take some time to look through information on childwelfare.org. There is a great deal we can do to help generations of children.