Survivor of domestic abuse finds strength in equine therapy

The Daily Inter Lake - 5/27/2018

May 27--Print Article

[Editor's Note: The name Anne is used in place of the victim's name to protect her identity as a survivor of domestic violence.]

Daily Inter Lake

Tony plodded dutifully into a grooming stall at Ranch 'M on Saturday morning, and casually cocked a hind leg when he came to a stop.

The sun hadn't yet reached its apex, but was already beating down on the horse, his black coat soaking up the warmth. Beside him was his human counterpart, Anne. She ran a brush from his shoulder blade to the dip in his back, over and over again.

From a distance, the pair of them seemed quite ordinary -- just a woman grooming a horse.

But there was more to the story.

They were kindred souls, both once broken by abuse. Both still putting the pieces back together.

When Anne talks about what led her to this place -- to equine therapy, to Tony and, finally, to healing -- she speaks with resolve and strength. She's a woman changed, a woman who has risen up from overwhelming darkness and lived to tell the tale.

This is her story.

"In the beginning, of course, he was mister smooth," Anne said of her ex-husband. "He chased me down, even when I said no. And I mistook that for love."

The signs were subtle at first -- "Why are you wearing that?" he'd tell her, or "Don't hang out with these people."

He punched her for the first time one night shortly after the birth of their first child. Anne was leaving a party, but he wasn't ready to go yet.

"He just reached right into the window and -- bam," she said.

Anne left that night, but it wasn't long before she came back to him.

"We already had kids and I was already so broken I didn't even know what healthy looked like," she recalled.

Things got worse when methamphetamine entered the pictured. Anne herself was a former addict, and initially resisted his pleas for her to use with him. But he persisted and eventually she gave in. For Anne, meth became an escape, a way for her to dull the pain.

"I didn't have any feelings," she said. "All that nagging and that pain and that turmoil just went away."

But the same drugs that calmed her down, ramped him up.

On several occasions, he drove Anne into the woods and threatened to kill her. Twice she thought he might actually do it.

The first close call came when he struck her in the head with a shotgun. She hit the car window so hard, it was a month before the bruise healed.

The second time occurred after the pair got into an altercation when Anne refused to get drugs one night. Her nose was still healing from when he'd recently broken it and as he drove toward the forest, he struck her face repeatedly. When they dropped below highway speed, she tried to jump from the vehicle so he grabbed her by the neck and choked her.

"Everything started going black and I was seeing all these stars," Anne said. "I looked up at him and I was like, 'This is it.' All I could think of to do is whisper, 'I love you.'"

I love you.

Eventually he stopped, and after some convincing, let her live for another night.

"Two days before the change happened, I cried out to God with all that I had left in me," Anne recalled, "and I told him, 'I don't know how to do this on my own but I don't want to be bound in this darkness and this prison anymore, please help me.'"

Help arose from unlikely circumstances -- a car accident involving her son and daughter. When both children were taken to the hospital, Child Protective Services was contacted.

But instead of taking Anne's kids from her, the agency wanted to help.

They wanted Anne to get clean and to leave her abusive marriage once and for all.

For the first time in a long time, she felt relief.

"I was ready to change my life, I just didn't know how," she said.

With help from CPS and other community resources, Anne started in-patient treatment for her addiction, joined narcotics anonymous and sought therapy and assistance from the Abbie Shelter.

It was through the shelter that Anne connected with the Medicine Horse Center, run by therapist and equine-assisted mental health practitioner Natalie Norrell.

"Out of all the therapy that I've had to deal with the trauma and the wreckage of my past, the equine therapy was the best. It was such a powerful experience to learn that one of God's majestic, powerful creatures had so much in common with me," she said of Tony. "I instantly clung to Tony, his abuse and that he was a rescue horse, [there was] something about that. He was just so sweet and loving and I felt safe with him."

She participated in an eight-week course led by Norrell at Kalispell's Ranch 'M last October. At the beginning, Anne was terrified of horses, but over time she grew to learn about and trust her equine partners.

She even carries a braided lock of Tony's hair with her as a memento.

"I hang onto this so I never forget," she said.

Equine therapy can take on many forms -- anything from leading a horse around an arena, encouraging the animal to sidestep using body language or simply running their hands or a brush along the horse's side.

"When somebody comes to work with a horse, they can be really tight and rigid and I can see their physical body changing as they do the work," Norrell said. "It's wonderful when you see somebody get it, and they have that 'ah-ha' moment."

The most powerful takeaway for Anne came from an exercise about boundaries.

"I was still struggling to find my voice and to realize that it is OK, and it's actually healthy, to set boundaries in relationships," Anne said. "We did this lesson with Tony and the other horses to guide them around this obstacle course and to guide them with assertiveness and let them know that we are the ones in control. I took away so much from that lesson on boundaries that I was able to go home and begin the process, because it's not overnight, of setting boundaries with my kids and not feeling terrible for it."

Healing from her past has been a long journey and though it's not over yet, on the 27th of this month, Anne will celebrate 18 months of sobriety. She hopes her story will inspire other women in abusive situations to seek help, whether that be through equine-assisted therapy or other community services.

"I went through what I went through for a purpose," Anne said. "Let my light shine to those women who are still bound in that darkness and that fear who don't see that there is hope, that there is help and this community has so many resources to help us through these situations, if we just accept that handout."

Reporter Mackenzie Reiss may be reached at 758-4433 or mreiss@dailyinterlake.com.

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