'Giving them back their hope'

Oct. 17--UNION COUNTY -- Domestic violence is a crime that affects everyone and that's why everyone should come together to fight it.

On Tuesday, October 9, the "Silent Witness Vigil" was held on the front steps of the Union County Courthouse to call attention to problem of domestic violence in Union County. The problem was illustrated by six wooden silhouettes placed at the foot of the steps to symbolize six Union County residents who lost their lives to domestic violence over the past eight years.

In addition to the visual reminders of the toll, both fatal and otherwise, that domestic violence takes, the issue was also addressed by the speakers who took part in the program. Among the speakers was Union County Assistant Solicitor Meghan Gilmer who spoke about the impact of domestic violence.

"Whether we realize it, domestic violence is an issue that affects us all, from our law enforcement officers who respond to 911 calls, to our healthcare workers who treat the injuries of victims of domestic violence, to teachers who educate our children who are witnessing the violence at home, just to name a few," Gilmer said. "It's disheartening to think that most of us here can say we know someone who has been affected by domestic violence.

"Domestic violence not an issue to be ignored," she said. "It is not an issue to be kept behind closed doors. It is not an issue for us to simply look the other way."

Gilmer said that domestic violence is not just an issue to be dealt with by the criminal justice system, the health care system or the educational system, but by the community as a whole.

"We as a community need to take a stand that domestic violence will not be tolerated," Gilmer said. "We need to take a stand to show these offenders that this type of conduct will not be tolerated.

"Women and men deserve to be in a loving relationship without being in fear of what could happen next," she said. "Our children deserve to be in a home where they feel safe, where they feel loved, where they are not witnessing that violence, where they are not facing that risk that the vicious cycle of violence will continue as they grow into adulthood."

Gilmer said that people about the realities of domestic violence and what do when faced with it is an important step to preventing it from continuing and escalating.

Education about domestic violence in the community is key," Gilmer said. "Knowing the signs, knowing the resources, knowing why the victim might stay in the relationship. Many think that domestic violence is a simple issue, that it's summed up with comments like 'Well, if she wants to stay,' or 'No man would ever hit me.' But there's nothing simple about domestic violence.

"There are many reasons why someone might stay with an abusive partner: the fear of trying to get away, fear of losing custody of her children, knowing she cannot financially support her children on her own and having no support system where she can turn to, not knowing about specific resources to help, having no self-confidence to make a fresh start because she has been belittled by the abuser for so long, thinking it's too late for a fresh start," she said. "Maybe she stays because of religious or moral convictions."

Gilmer pointed out that self-delusion on the part of the victim is another reason so many, especially women, stay in abusive relations until, in some cases, it's too late.

"Sometimes it merely boils down to 'But I love him and I can change him and if I stand by him he'll love me that much more,' (and) forgetting about the bad times and just thinking about the good," Gilmer said. "No one wants to believe that someone they love so much would ever abuse them."

Then, of course, there's an even sadder reason victims stay in such a relationship.

"Maybe she's just lost all hope," Gilmer said.

Giving victims hope is something the community as a whole can and must do in order to help them escape an abusive relationship.

"We as a community can affect change," Gilmer said. "We need to show victims that they are loved, they can feel safe, that they do not have to be controlled or abused. That they again can have hope.

"Letting them know that they only need to ask for help, that there's no reason to feel ashamed, no reason to feel embarrassed," she said. "To let them know they are not alone. And that there is help. No person should ever have to feel that they must stay in an abusive relationship."

Gilmer also spoke about the efforts of the Sixteenth Circuit Solicitor's Office to combat domestic violence.

"Our Solicitor Kevin Brackett and our Deputy Solicitor John Anthony have taken a stand to combat domestic violence in Union County and to assist those affected by it," Gilmer said. "We at the Solicitor's Office want our victims to know that we care and that there are resources to assist them. Our Victim's Advocate Michelle Shugart and I strive to meet with every domestic violence victim, to inform them of the resources to assist them, prepare them for the court process, and answer any questions they may have.

"Our office seeks to hold offenders accountable by seeking the sanctions that justice warrants, by monitoring domestic violence defendants' cases to ensure that the victim remains safe and that defendants obey court orders and comply with sentencing conditions," she said. "We have taken a stand that we will do our part to protect those who have not been able to stand up for themselves."

Gilmer concluded by thanking the audience attending the program "for being here today. We thank you for taking that stand with us to show that domestic violence will not be tolerated in our community. For helping to turn those victims of domestic violence into survivors. For giving them back their hope."

Charles Warner can be reached at 864-762-4090.

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