Mom helps others through pregnancy loss

March 24-- Mar. 24--BRISTOL -- Most people didn't talk about miscarriage a generation ago.

That's changed somewhat but as one local woman found out, it's still an awkward subject for many people -- and always painful for those going through it.

When you say you've had a miscarriage, people often don't know how to react, said Jacky Crane of Bristol. She also discovered after losing a pregnancy just how common it is -- and the comfort you feel from those offering support and understanding.

Jacky and her husband Joe lost their first pregnancy in March 2016. Closing in on 12 weeks and a due date of Oct. 11, Jacky and Joe were making plans. They were starting to set up a nursery at their home on Silvernail Road, purchasing baby items, and learning all they could about what to expect when you're expecting. They had a name for the baby, Ben. Jacky had a strong feeling they were having a boy, and so, it just felt natural to call her baby bump, "Baby Ben." While everything seemed to be going well and Jacky felt fine, at a routine checkup in late March Jacky's primary care physician couldn't detect the baby's heartbeat. An ultrasound at Thompson Hospital confirmed the heart had indeed stopped and the baby was no longer developing.

"I was completely shattered," said Jacky. She didn't know what to do. Joe said he was at a loss, too. "You feel the pain your wife is going through," he said.

A soft blanket from her sister, Haley Bickel, went with Jacky two days later as she was rushed to Thompson Emergency Department with heavy bleeding. Nature had taken its course. At Thompson that night, obstetrician-gynecologist Dr. Robert Scott was on call. Jacky said she won't forget how Dr. Scott and others helped her through it.

"There are people who care," she said. "You've just gone through the most heart-wrenching experience and it's important to have somebody validate that this has happened and to tell you, 'It's OK to not be OK.'"

Jacky kept close the soft blanket and other comforting items after leaving the hospital the following morning. As Jacky and Joe began sharing the news of their loss, several people opened up about their own experiences.

"You've just had this huge loss. Then you learn friends have gone through it, too," said Jacky. She also learned her mother had suffered miscarriages.

According to the March of Dimes, among women who know they're pregnant, 10 to 15 in 100 pregnancies, or 10 to 15 percent, end in miscarriage. Some women have a miscarriage before they know they're pregnant. Other pregnancies can result in stillbirth, when the baby dies in the womb after 20 weeks of pregnancy.

"We don't know all the causes of miscarriage, but problems with chromosomes in genes cause most," according to the March of Dimes, a national nonprofit promoting health of mothers and babies. "It can take a few weeks to a month or more for your body to recover from a miscarriage. It may take longer to recover emotionally."

As Jacky and Joe dealt with their loss, Jacky said she thought about the support she received from Thompson and others, whose caring came in many forms -- including the blanket from her sister. She wanted to help other women and came up with the idea of a care package that would include a soft blanket and other items she knew from experience would be comforting.

At the Cranes' home last Wednesday -- it just happened to be the second birthday for their twins, Sarah and William -- they showed what was one of nearly 150 Baby Ben Bags created so far for Thompson patients. Partnering with nurses from Thompson Birthing Center and others with Thompson to create the bags, Jacky is looking forward to doing many more. Funded by Thompson Health Guild, the bags contain a note from the family of Baby Ben, a poem, a plush blanket, heat-therapy pads for menstrual pain, a heart-shaped charm and information about area resources, including a support group, Thompson's Resolve Through Sharing.

Most women who miscarry go on to have a healthy pregnancy later, according to the March of Dimes. The Cranes were pleasantly surprised when they learned they were pregnant in summer 2016, and with twins. They are now expecting a third child, due in October.

At Thompson, the story of the Baby Ben Bags made a recent Thompson Guild publication.

"It was wonderful when Jacky came to our board with this idea," Guild President Robert Locke said for the article. "We loved her passion for wanting to do something for others, and we're honored to support this initiative."

Learn more

Resolve Through Sharing, a parent support group (infant loss) through Thompson Health, can be reached by calling 585-396-6260 or visiting https://bit.ly/2TUmasf.

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