Willmar family wants to find ways to help families of troubled teens

March 04--WILLMAR -- Ray and Kim Stenglein are on a mission and are searching for the right path forward.

Ray Stenglein and Kim Becker-Stenglein want to find a way to spare other families the helplessness and frustration they felt in seeking mental health care for their daughter Annika.

It would be a way to honor the memory of Annika, who took her life Dec. 12 at the age of 16. After what had seemed like a normal Sunday evening, she went to her room, and her parents went to bed. Ray heard her music still playing in the early morning hours and found her.

The grief and shock has been devastating for her parents, her older sister Maddie, and other relatives and friends.

Suicide is complicated and has no single cause, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. It is the second leading cause of death for teens and young adults, but it's still exceedingly rare.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, in 2014, females between 15 and 24 had a suicide rate of 4.6 per 100,000 people. Men's rate was higher -- 18.2 per 100,000.

The Stengleins wanted to share their story in the hope of reaching parents struggling with similar issues in their kids. They hope that they can help others by letting them know that someone is always willing to listen.

The family developed a GoFundMe account to raise money for suicide prevention and bullying prevention at www.gofundme.com/annika-belle-stenglein.

Beautiful inside and out, Annika was smart and talented, an athlete. "She was a great kid," Ray said. She was planning a January trip to Los Angeles with a modeling agency.

Annika was kind and friendly, the kind of kid who ate with someone who was sitting alone in the cafeteria. She always wanted others to be happy. For proof of that, look at www.instagram.com/lovingwillmar/. She anonymously posted photos of classmates and wrote about how smart and beautiful they were.

The Stengleins knew Annika was troubled, and they sought help for her depression and other mental health and physical problems. They tried everything they could find, and they never gave up.

Still, they ran into delays and roadblocks. That's why they seek ways to help other families now.

"We've got a lot of families that have talked to us about this," Ray said. "I want to get something going or find something that has resources for families."

The Stengleins' search took them to a variety of providers. Waits for appointments could be weeks long, and sometimes the right service was far away. Annika was once placed in an inpatient facility in Duluth, the nearest available bed.

Access to mental health services in rural areas is a long-standing problem, exacerbated by a workforce shortage, Minnesota Department of Human Services Commissioner Emily Piper said in a telephone interview.

"That's all too common -- sad stories about families with a child with mental illness, and a lack of adequate access to services for their child," she said.

Willmar has a broader array of services than less populated rural areas, but navigating the system can still be difficult, she added.

The state is trying programs to improve access, like school grants and pilot projects in telemedicine, Piper said. Both have proven helpful but aren't able to address all needs.

Another problem -- a societal stigma toward mental illness -- is decreasing with time, she said.

When Annika told Kim a few years ago she thought she was depressed, her parents started looking for help. They found many caring professionals but sometimes couldn't find a good fit.

Policy kept some from seeing her until she turned 16. If she lacked a connection with one therapist, they waited a month to see a different one.

"It's such a waiting game," Kim said. "These kids don't have time."

Testing revealed depression, anxiety and signs of other mental illness. In addition, Annika experienced post-concussion headaches that required medication. Finding a balance with the medications prescribed for her was a challenge.

And then there was the bullying. Some teens posted embarrassing photos of her on a Facebook page about a year ago. She tried to report them at school and to Facebook. The photos were eventually taken down, but the bullying didn't stop.

After those first attempts, Annika didn't talk about it anymore. Some of her friends stuck up for her and tried to get it to stop, but they had little success, her parents said.

Much of what they know about the bullying they found by going through Annika's phone after her death. It included messages urging her to kill herself. Her friends have since told them stories about it, too.

In the days leading up to Annika's funeral, many of her friends visited the Stengleins or spoke to them at the wake and funeral. They told stories about Annika and what a sweet person she was. "We were healing them, and they were healing us," Ray said.

Friends also confided in her parents that they were struggling with depression and other issues, too. Both parents regularly receive emails or Facebook messages from troubled teens.

It can be difficult sometimes to function as a sounding board, they said, but Ray added he's glad that the kids feel they can talk to someone. Listening is a way to honor Annika's memory, he said.

The staff at Willmar Senior High did their best for Annika, Kim said, but the couple feels schools need more counselors. Teens have told the Stengleins that the regional crisis team that responded to the school helped many of them.

School counselor Leah Rosendahl and social worker Shari Pederson said the area has many resources. Schools can offer some help, but it's up to families to make appointments outside schools.

"Everybody has to find the niche that fits for them," Pederson said. Finding the right program or therapist is "a personal thing," Rosendahl added.

Rosendahl said she wasn't sure there was a perfect ratio of students to counselors. "We are really blessed to have what we do," she said. The high school, with more than 1,200 students, has three counselors and a social worker, plus two assistant principals.

Everyone who works at the school looks out for students, they said. Teachers contact counselors if they see assignments with troubling content. "Art and writing are huge," she said. "And they are very attuned to their students."

School districts have mandated procedures for dealing with bullying, but she knows some kids hesitate to bring it up, Rosendahl said. "They're afraid it will get worse if they speak out."

On the GoFundMe page, Maddie wrote for the family, thanking people for their donations and saying the money would be used for suicide help and prevention.

She concluded: "Even if we can help save one life it would be worth it. It may have been too late for my sister, but I hope to help save at least one family from having to feel the pain of losing someone so young."

Signs and symptoms

The behaviors listed below may be signs that someone is thinking about suicide.

--Talking about wanting to die or wanting to kill themselves

--Talking about feeling empty, hopeless, or having no reason to live

--Making a plan or looking for a way to kill themselves, such as searching online, stockpiling pills, or buying a gun

--Talking about great guilt or shame

--Talking about feeling trapped or feeling that there are no solutions

--Feeling unbearable pain (emotional pain or physical pain)

--Talking about being a burden to others

--Using alcohol or drugs more often

--Acting anxious or agitated

--Withdrawing from family and friends

--Changing eating and/or sleeping habits

--Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge

--Taking great risks that could lead to death, such as driving extremely fast

--Talking or thinking about death often

--Displaying extreme mood swings, suddenly changing from very sad to very calm or happy

--Giving away important possessions

--Saying goodbye to friends and family

--Putting affairs in order, making a will

Source: National Institute of Mental Health, www.nimh.nih.gov

Five action steps for helping someone in emotional pain

--Ask: "Are you thinking about killing yourself?" It's not an easy question but studies show that asking at-risk individuals if they are suicidal does not increase suicides or suicidal thoughts.

--Keep them safe: Reducing a suicidal person's access to highly lethal items or places is an important part of suicide prevention. While this is not always easy, asking if the at-risk person has a plan and removing or disabling the lethal means can make a difference.

--Be there: Listen carefully and learn what the individual is thinking and feeling. Findings suggest acknowledging and talking about suicide may, in fact, reduce rather than increase suicidal thoughts.

--Help them connect: Save the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline's number in your phone so it's there when you need it: 1-800-8255 (TALK). You can also help make a connection with a trusted individual like a family member, friend, spiritual adviser or mental health professional.

--Stay connected: Staying in touch after a crisis or after being discharged from care can make a difference. Studies have shown the number of suicide deaths goes down when someone follows up with the at-risk person.

Source: National Institute of Mental Health, www.nimh.nih.gov

Other resources

--Call the Veterans Crisis Line and Military Crisis Line, 1-800-273-8255, Press 1. This is another confidential hotline, online chat or text.

--Woodland Centers serves six west central Minnesota counties -- Chippewa, Kandiyohi, Lac qui Parle, Meeker, Renville and Swift -- and has a 24-hour crisis line, 1-800-992-1716.

--Contact the national Crisis Text Line, 741-741, to connect with a trained crisis counselor.

--In Minnesota, contact TXT4Life by texting "Life" to 61222. It offers free, confidential counseling for any state resident.

___

(c)2017 West Central Tribune (Willmar, Minn.)

Visit West Central Tribune (Willmar, Minn.) at www.wctrib.com

Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.