AgeWise: Helping family when dementia strikes a loved one AgeWise: Helping family when loved one is diagnosed with dementia

Q: My mom was recently diagnosed with dementia. Our family is struggling to adapt, but I'm most concerned about how my child will cope as the disease progresses. How can I support them?

MD

Answer: Of course, every child is different, and every case of dementia has its own set of circumstances. While there is no one way to help your child through their grandparent's diagnosis and journey, there are several things you can do to help them and yourself along. How you handle and communicate with your child during this time can affect how well they will deal with your mother's diagnosis. It is important to understand and explain that any changes in your mother's temperament and behavior is caused by the disease and is not your mother's choice. Your child may sometimes feel embarrassed by their grandparent's behavior. Let them know their feelings are normal and that at times you have the same issues, and that you are all learning how to cope. Throughout the process, open communication about your own confusion, grief, frustration and anger will help them to know it's OK to have those feelings.

Don't attempt to keep your child away from your parent. Let them see you and other caregivers interact with your loved one, showing the proper approach to those living with dementia: that being friendly and not acting afraid can make a big difference in their lives. Let your child be involved during the period of decline and insist on a few visits. You can encourage your child to use their talents to entertain your mom - art projects and music are often great ways to involve grandparent and grandchild in thoughtful and bonding activity.

With most types of dementias, there is time to adjust. You shouldn't be surprised if your child is reluctant or resistant at first - like with you, it will take time for them to learn and process. If they continue to refuse, don't push it. To help your child feel less alone, find books and peer support groups that are geared specifically toward helping children understand Alzheimer's and dementia. Senior Services' Williams Adult Day Center in Winston-Salem is a great place to visit and they offer family support groups as well.

Q: As my dad's Alzheimer's progresses, he requires more personal care. His needs are putting stress on me at my job. How can I help my dad and keep my job?

EE

Answer: The demands of being a full-time caregiver are not trivial, and being a full-time employee on top of that can be overwhelming, especially as a loved one progressively requires more attention. For most, giving up a regular paycheck to take care of their loved one is not an option.

If caring for your loved one is taking a toll on your job performance, talking to your human resources director to see if your company offers an employee assistance program or other work-life balance options would be a good place to start. If your job doesn't offer assistance, depending on your dad's care needs and where you live, there may be resources available to help take care of your father. If he requires assistance with dressing or bathing, and is still able to stay alone during the day, you could hire a home care agency to assist him for a few hours a day. These agencies often help with some or all the following: sitter/companion services, errands/transportation, housekeeping, meal preparation and assistance with personal care (CNA services). You could hire a private sitter. The flexibility of their schedule and rate may work better for your family.

If your father needs supervision for the whole day, take some time to visit the three adult day care centers in Forsyth county to see if one of them is a good option for your family. An adult day care center, such as the Williams Day Center in Winston-Salem, provides a structured program of meaningful activities, nutritious meals and opportunities for socialization. Medical supervision is included, as well as an opportunity for baths and hair care. The staff includes a director, registered nurses, certified nursing assistants, and activity coordinators. All staff have dementia training and experience. Although these programs and services often come with a fee, there are some that are available through publicly funded programs.

Project Care and the Family Caregiver Support Program may assist in paying for respite services if your situation meets the eligibility requirements. The Alzheimer's Association is a good resource for information and education about the disease and additional local resources. Find out if your father has long-term care insurance or is a veteran. Help may be available in those circumstances as well. For assistance navigating these resource options please contact Senior Services at (336) 725-0907 or find them online at www.seniorservicesinc.org.

AgeWise is a weekly column compiled by information specialists of Senior Services Inc., a nonprofit organization based in Winston-Salem. If you have a question, email agewise@ seniorservicesinc.org or mail to Senior Services, 2895 Shorefair Drive, Winston-Salem, NC 27105.