CORONAVIRUS (COVID-19) RESOURCE CENTER Read More
Add To Favorites

Le Mars woman inspired to support other single moms

Sioux City Journal - 7/9/2018

SIOUX CITY -- Kari Johnson, of Le Mars, Iowa, remembers the day she hit rock bottom.

Johnson's daughter Tyrae Barker, now 14, turned to her and said, "I'm going to tell everybody," about the double life she was living.

"I was very involved in my church, but drinking every day," Johnson, 41, said, her voice quaking through tears. "I hid (the addiction) very well. I still continued to work. I still continued to pay my bills, but there were times I would go out and leave these two at home alone."

After Tyrae stated her intention to reveal her mother's secret, Johnson entered a 30-day Christian treatment center in Woodstock, Minnesota, in 2014. Today, Johnson is sober, studying social work through Briar Cliff's online bachelor's degree program and leading a support group, Strength of a Single Mom, for single mothers.

According to 2017 data from the U.S. Census Bureau, 80 percent of single-parent families with children under age 18 are headed by single mothers. Although single mothers make up the majority of the approximately 12 million single-parent families in the United States, Johnson said social stigma persists.

"There's either a lot of pity on the single mom, or there's a lot of judgments on the single mom," she said as she sat in a chair at Heelan Hall on Briar Cliff University's campus between Tyrae and daughter Tae'a Barker, 12.

The group, which is funded through a United Way grant, meets the second and the fourth Sunday of each month from September to April at Rock Solid Assembly in Le Mars. The mothers, who attend the group with their children, eat a home-cooked meal together, learn about a variety of topics, such as coping with trauma, finances and dating as a single mom and discuss problems. They also participate in events held throughout the year, including a family Christmas party.

Johnson said she uses The Life of a Single Mom as a guide. The global nonprofit, which exists to see that no single mom walks alone, was founded by Jennifer Maggio, author of "Overwhelmed: The Life of a Single Mom." The book, which Johnson read before starting the support group, chronicles Maggio's journey from homeless teenage mother to successful corporate executive.

"Sometimes there's a lot of laughter. Sometimes there's a lot of tears. Sometimes there's a lot of questions," Johnson said of the group. "We all share similar struggles."

Finally free

When Johnson graduated high school in 1995, she said she wanted to continue her education and become a social worker; instead, she went down the wrong path.

At 19, she had her first child and, soon, she was a single mother of two girls, Dionte and Cire, living in Sioux City and addicted to drugs and alcohol.

"I would parent from my own hurts, which results in not really parenting," Johnson said.

When a third child, whom she would give up for adoption, came along, and then a fourth, her daughter Tyrae, Johnson said she felt alone and in denial about her life, which she described as "chaotic." She moved back to Le Mars and married. A year later, Johnson said she was divorced and a "cycling alcoholic."

"It was kind of rough," Tyrae said of the situation. "Now, when I look back on it, we kinda had no one, because my dad wasn't there and my mom was only there half the time."

Through treatment, Johnson said she was able to accept the trauma she inflicted on her children and the grief and loss of the adoption. After finishing the program, Johnson threw herself into knitting, quit smoking and landed a job at Bethany Christian Services, where she works as an administrative assistant and post-adoption coordinator.

"I bet I knitted three huge quilts in the first three months that I was out," she said. "There were a lot of life changes and trying to grasp feeling, being present. I hadn't felt in years."

One day, Johnson walked into the house and shared a secret with her daughters. She said, "You guys have a sister." She said she finally felt "free." She wrote a letter to her daughter's adoptive parents, and shortly before her 40th birthday, she received photos of her daughter, who will soon turn 16.

Johnson, who will graduate from Briar Cliff in December, said she would like to use her degree to advocate for open adoption in Iowa.

"I would love for Iowa to be an open adoption state. Nebraska, in the last two years, went semi-open," she said. "They're finding that for the children, as they grow up, it's the best if they have that connection."