Parents often don't realize they can be a big part of teenage stress; Psychology

Most people understand that many teenagers today are highly stressed. If you listen to the popular media though, you might be led to believe that our teenagers are stressed mostly by confusion about their sexuality, or bullying, or concern about gun control, or even politics.

While these may be significant concerns in some teenagers' lives, research shows that most teenagers are stressed for reasons that lie much closer to home.

Teens today may be more stressed than at any other time in history. Many teens report experiencing anxiety, depression and emotional fatigue from stress.

Over 80 percent of teens report that stress causes changes in their mood and behavior. Some teens report that they lay in bed at night and have trouble sleeping because of worry about the demands they have to meet. Teen stress is also related to higher incidence of substance abuse and suicidal thoughts and behavior.

So, what is stressing our teens out the most? A new study has found that one of the main causes of stress for teens comes from pressures at home. Over sixty-percent of teens indicate that they feel significant pressure and distress from their parent's expectations of them to succeed.

They report that their parent's concern over their school grades, homework completion, and performance in extra-curricular activities is one of their greatest stressors.

This sense of pressure is intensified by technology that offers twenty-four-hour monitoring. One teen put it this way, "My grades are always in the back of my mind, and now my parents can go and look online anytime they want and question me about it." The matter is not helped by the finding that the online data may not always be accurate or up to date.

Stress from academic expectations is compounded by the additional pressure teens often feel to excel in extra-curricular activities. Many parents push their children to "build credentials" for their future college or job applications. Whether it is performing in the band or participating in student government or competing in athletics, teens often report feeling pressure from parents to "stand-out" at whatever they are doing.

Psychologically, much of this pressure for good grades and stand-out performances comes from the parents fear that their child will be left out or will not succeed in adulthood. This fear is usually exaggerated but it may lead the parents to be overly attentive to their child's performance or to create unattainable goals. Some teenagers stress and anxiety is even further intensified by parental threats of punishment unless expectations are met.

There is no question that it is healthy for teenagers to strive for good grades and to participate in activities, but the type of emotional support they receive while doing this makes a big difference. While it is helpful for teenagers to have parents that are involved and who care about their academics and activities, this needs to occur in moderation and proportion.

A supportive or "mentoring" type of relationship with your teen, rather than an authoritarian or critical posture, will help them to succeed instead of feeling trapped by pressure and burning-out.

Mentoring is characterized by an advising role where the teen is encouraged to try their best and help is offered but without an overbearing presence. Mentoring involves setting a good example for your teenager to follow and being present in order to reinforce success and encourage positive behaviors while their actual performance is left to them.

When you consider the complexities of the life that teenagers face today, it's a wonder that problems aren't even worse. In addition to the pressures surrounding performance, teens are also dealing with questions about who they are and how they fit into their expanding world.

Given the convergence of these many issues during this age, it is important for parents to lighten up a little bit, be good listeners, and strive to be a supportive mentor to their teen!

Dr. Scott E. Smith is a licensed psychologist with Spectrum Behavioral Health in Arnold, Annapolis and Crofton. To contact him, call 410-757-2077 or write to 1509 Suite F, Ritchie Highway, Arnold, MD 21012.

Credit: Scott Smith - Dr. Scott E. Smith is a licensed psychologist with Spectrum Behavioral Health in Arnold, Annapolis and Crofton. To contact him, call 410-757-2077 or write to 1509 Suite F, Ritchie Highway, Arnold, MD 21012.