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Marin City woman an advocate for foster parents and teens

Marin Independent Journal - 11/30/2019

Nov. 30--When Lesia Knudsen started fostering teens about seven years ago, it didn't take long for her to realize there was a lot she wasn't taught in training, like how to help a shut-down teen who misses their parents or one who doesn't eat much until everyone goes to sleep. Inspired, the Marin City resident set off on a mission to better equip people with the tools to foster teens and to break the stigma behind fostering them.

Drawing from her fostering experiences alongside her husband, Steve, and her two decades working with at-risk youth, came "Life in the Foster Lane: Practical Insights on Fostering Teens," the 57-year-old Marin native's book about the realities of foster parenting, which includes stories from fellow foster parents across the country.

The parent coach created a webinar of fostering teens that's used at the Marin Child and Family Services, where she works as an independent contractor.

Q What made you want to be a foster parent for teens?

A Wherever I'd go, teens would gravitate toward me. I would be their mom-type and help them along. I just love teens. People have called me the "teen whisperer" because I just get teens. My goal is to open a home for teens because they are the hardest to place and scary to people. Because I couldn't do that then, I thought well, why couldn't I train people? I go through the parents, because it's one way I can help the teens. My husband and I have four grandchildren, we have done it already, but we believe in this generation.

Q What do you want people to know about teens in foster care?

A They are not in foster care because of what they did. They are in there because of what was done to them, or a situation where they were not safe. That's part of stigma or the myth around teens, and that's how they also get overlooked or not seriously considered.

Q What advice do you have for parents of teenagers?

A To remember being a teenager. Sometimes when we become adults and we don't make as many dumb decisions, we forget what we were feeling as a teenager, the not-so-smart decisions that we made, and we hold our kids to a higher standard of what we did back then. What I ask the parents is, instead of saying, "What's wrong with you?" ask "What's happening?" or "What happened?" My No. 1 weapon in communicating with teens is learn how to listen, and for parents to listen and understand, listen without trying to fix it, listen without passing judgment, and that will build communication and trust between the youth and the parents.

Q What can people do if they want to get involved?

A Be a foster parent or support a foster parent through the Marin Child and Family Services. You can donate to Marin Foster Care Association.

Q What's a memorable moment you've had as a foster parent?

A I had one teen, she was probably my most challenging teen. We would call her on her behavior, but we would also call her on her good behavior. She was the last one I had prior to me getting really ill, and because I couldn't physically take care of her anymore, I had to give my notice and say she had to find someplace else to live. I cried for days and days, because this is what I do and this is why I am in this. When I told her, she was devastated. A couple days later, she said, "Lesia, this is not your fault. You have impacted my life more than you will ever know. You helped me get my first job. You were the one that made me feel safe. You are the one who stood by me when I was at my worst. And I am so grateful for you and everything you have done for me and I don't want you to feel guilty at all. I am going to be OK." I just started bawling, and if you were to look at her and her behavior, I would never had that thought that we had that much of an impact.

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(c)2019 The Marin Independent Journal (Novato, Calif.)

Visit The Marin Independent Journal (Novato, Calif.) at www.marinij.com

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