Parenting again

Special to the Chronicle

In the past two decades, the number of grandparents raising grandchildren has exploded. The Census

Bureau reveals that there are approximately 2.4 million grandparents raising

4.5 million grandchildren.

Departments of Family Services typically look to grandparents when finding alternate care for children who cannot live with their parents. The causes for such action arise from a variety of sources, including domestic abuse, divorce and death of a parent or incarceration. These grandparents report more medical and mental health stresses than grandparents who are not raising grandchildren. These ailments include diabetes, high blood pressure, suicidal thoughts, anxiety and depression.

An example of these pressures is the case of Yolanda. She is a 64-year-old grandmother raising three grandchildren. Two of the grandchildren are from her daughter and the third is the offspring of her son. She is clearly feeling overwhelmed and is anxiously awaiting the outcome of a hearing that will mandate son and daughter pay her child support and follow up with visitation schedules where she can get a break from parenting. She suffers from migraines, chronic arthritis and diabetes and insomnia. She relies on her church to give her much-needed social interaction and lives in a trailer park with parolees and meth users.

A major challenge to such grandparents is coping with the age gap between themselves and their grandchildren. They are often two generations removed from their grandchildren's generation. This causes friction due to misunderstanding and the changing mores of the times. Grandparents want to impose stricter rules that were common when they were growing up. The youngsters balk because the rules are not consistent with contemporary limit setting.

One grandmother, Anita, finds that she cannot enforce rules with her teenage granddaughter because the latter is stronger and more inclined to tell her grandmother what she is going to do and then does it. Anita feels like a failure because her teenager doesn't show the same compliance that she, Anita, showed in her adolescence. Anita is also working full time, so she is not around when her granddaughter gets home, causing more problems with supervision.

Like so many in her circumstances, she is hampered by too little income to get services that are needed.

"I want counseling for us both," she says, "but I can't afford it." She shrugs her shoulders as if to say, "I'm stuck." This sense of powerlessness characterizes many grandparents I talked to. They want to do a good job but they lack resources to do more than a marginal one.

A more recent challenge that is becoming more common is grandparents looking after their own parents - the great-grandparents. With the increase in seniors' longevity, many living into the 90s and beyond, grandparents have become the latest "sandwich generation." In such circumstances, it is imperative they make use of state and local agencies such as the Department of Children and Families to provide assistance with providing services. Churches are also a great adjunct to helping grandparents cope with multigenerational issues. Draw on family members such as cousins and in-laws if grown children are not accessible and use the resources available in your community.

And, above all, grandparents must take care of themselves physically, emotionally, legally and financially.

Still, today there are options that can ease their burden here in Citrus County. For items such as food there is the food stamp program managed by the state of Florida. Meals On Wheels also provides meals for a few dollars a day. There are programs out there for grandparents who need assistance. The following is a brief list of what is available to this population:

n (TANF) Temporary Aid to Needy Families - can be contacted at Mission In Citrus Inc. and the Coastal Region Library in Crystal River.

* For debt relief - contact DebtRelief.org.

* For legal assistance - Legal Aid of Citrus County or the Citrus County Clerk of the Court can help steer individuals to getting answers for their legal issues.

* American Association of Retired Persons - For general information on senior issues and they do have articles on raising grandchildren that are useful.

* Generations United - For housing referrals and housing availability to those with limited income.

Diane Daniels is a retired mental health professional. She is a volunteer working with the United Way of Citrus County and lives in the area. She can be reached at fjd267@bellsouth.net.