Family opens home to help grieving families after death of sons

The Boldts were going through their late son's school things when they found a drawing of a home Josh wanted to live in.

"It was this house," Lance Boldt, Josh's father, said. "Even down to the parking lot, and the porch, the roofline. And maybe he just loved it because he walked past it and this was the house."

The 110-year-old home at 43 N. 100 East in American Fork with a distinct red roof isn't just a home. Before the Boldts found the drawing, they had already rented the home to become Joshy's House of Hope.

The home, which opened in September, gives peer-to-peer support groups a place to hold meetings to help participants manage grief. It is named in memory of Joshua Boldt, a 15-year-old with Down syndrome who died 10 years ago after a 15-month battle with acute myeloid leukemia.

Nancy Boldt, the executive director of the home and Josh's mother, knew she wanted to create a support system for families of children with cancer after Josh got sick.

Josh, who was high functioning, used to walk around American Fork and made friends quickly.

"He touched everyone's life that he came in contact with," said Aaron Boldt, Josh's brother and the program director at Joshy's House of Hope.

The Boldts founded the group Canary Garden, which helps support children who have lost loved ones, after Josh died. As they found out just weeks later, they'd need the group more than they ever imagined.

Their daughter, Sadie, was 3 when Josh died, and she told a psychologist she was afraid another brother would die. The psychologist told her those things don't happen twice in the same family.

The Boldts' son Ben, who also had Down syndrome and autism, was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia eight weeks after Josh died. He died nine months after his diagnosis, in 2008 at the age of 12.

The Boldts attribute the connections they made in their Canary Garden group to helping them get through the loss of Ben, who attended the group while receiving treatment.

For Nancy and Lance, losing two children with special needs also meant losing the community that went along with it, adding another loss to an already tremendous one.

The peer-to-peer support groups also helped the parents of six process the death of two children.

"That was the best thing that could have ever happened for our family, I think, seeing that other families are struggling, too," Nancy said.

For the Boldt children, it's what they needed.

"Individual therapy didn't work for me as far as grief goes," Aaron said. "Peer-to-peer support was probably the best option for me. My peers had been through something similar and I had something to relate to. You don't feel as alone or singled out."

While the home is named after Josh, the playroom is a tribute to Ben.

"He was a blast," Aaron said. "He was a handful as in he was always doing something fun and exciting for him, whether that means eating all the chips and sitting in the pantry, or sitting by the dryer and humming to the vibrations of it."

The family attended the peer-to-peer support groups for three and a half years after the boys died.

Now, they're hoping Joshy's House of Hope can help more families handle their grief.

Opening the home meant finally being able to grow the Canary Garden group, which divides children into age groups to learn skills to help with their grief and holds meetings for parents. Other groups have also been added to the home.

The Forget Me Not group, which is for people who have lost loved ones to suicide, also meets there. There are also plans to add a group for LGBT support and another to help people with anxiety and depression. There is even a group in the works for families who have lost loved ones to homicide.

There's no charge for the programs and no waiting time between a death and when people can join a group.

There aren't therapists involved in the peer-to-peer support groups, but there are trained facilitators, and the Boldts are ready to refer people to other resources if needed.

The home operates off donations and grants and has a small budget mainly made up of rent and utilities for the facility.

In the home, volunteers have painted the walls to turn them from a dark red to a soothing, light blue. Dragonfly decorations are scattered throughout the home, a personal symbol for Nancy. She became involved with dragonflies after reading a children's story with the message that children would come back to the families if they could, but they've changed forms, just like dragonflies.

"When I see dragonflies, I see that as a little visit from the boys," Nancy said.

And in the playroom, a message on a chalkboard wall says it all - it's OK to not be OK.