A single parent's holiday survival guide, 5 things to know

Dec. 13--SAN ANGELO -- Deck the halls with boughs of anxiety.

While Christmas carols are dominating the airwaves reminding listeners it's the most wonderful time of the year, single parents may be feeling a tad more frostbite than yuletide warmth.

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"The season can be a time of togetherness and joy," said Rebecca Zapata, LPC, with West Texas Counseling & Guidance. "It can also be extremely stressful, demanding and overwhelming, particularly for a single parent."

Today, nearly 20 million U.S. children under age 18 live with one parent, according to the Census Bureau. In Tom Green County, the percentage of single-parent households is listed at 33 percent in a community health assessment by the West Texas Area Health Education Center.

This means almost 9,000 single parents living in Tom Green County have to juggle daily between work, running errands, providing meals and handling household responsibilities -- all while trying to ensure their children's holidays are living up to expectation.

It's enough to get anyone's Christmas stockings in a twist.

To keep stress from sapping the "holly" and the "jolly" out of December, the following tips are designed for easing the burden on single parents during the Christmas season.

1. Create new traditions

Who says you have to do the same thing year after year?

"There are no 'musts', 'should' or 'have to's' when it comes to decorations or celebrations," said Zapata, who encourages parents to ask their children for feedback on what holiday activities they would like to participate in.

Some suggestions include:

* Watching Christmas movies together (Here's what's new on Netflix)

* Driving around looking at Christmas lights

* Baking cookies

* Making your own Christmas decorations

* Decorating the tree together

"There's no rule that Christmas has to be spent on a particular day either," Zapata said. "If you don't have your children on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day because of shared custody, then choose another day that will allow for you and your children to incorporate the new traditions for years to come."

2. Create a positive attitude

Your life may not have turned out the way you wanted, planned or expected, but rather than concentrate on what went wrong, Zapata encourages single parents to focus positively on what they have.

"There is scientific evidence that grateful people are more resilient to stress, whether minor everyday hassles or major personal upheavals." writes Robert Emmons, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Davis.

Jot down a few sentences in a gratitude journal. Take a moment to silently reflect on the good things in your life. These are just two suggestions experts give to help build a positive attitude.

"Dwelling on the negativity of being a single parent will only produce additional feelings of bitterness and anger," said Zapata.

3. Create a budget ... and stick to it

The holidays can get expensive, so Zapata first recommends single parents be mindful not to spend money out of guilt.

"It's important not to fall into a tendency to compensate for the absence or shortcomings of the other parent by overspending," said Zapata." Unnecessary debts create additional stress."

Zapata's second recommendation is to create a budget. "Explore a realistic holiday budget and don't waiver from it," said Zapata.

Her advice is shared by Lisette Alverio, an Accredited Financial Counselor in San Angelo working as a government contractor for the Armed Forces Services Corporation/Magellan -- one of 60 such financial counselors in the country.

"Decide ahead of time to spend only x-amount of dollars per child. Look at your budget carefully," said Alverio, adding, "Budgets are about shuffling. If you know you're going to spend money on Christmas gifts, it has to come from somewhere else."

Alverio recommends one way single parents can increase the number of presents under the tree is by decreasing the number of times going out to eat and by being more careful about what gifts will last versus gifts that could easily be discarded.

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"Think about things that will create memories," said Alverio, "as opposed to the things (your children) could toss out next week."

For San Angelo residents who would like extra help with their finances, Alverio offers free classes and one-on-one counseling sessions on how to set up and manage a budget.

Alverio can be reached by phone at 325-653-2321, ext 1287. or at her office at Workforce Solutions 202 Henry O Flipper Street.

4. Create stronger connections with friends and family

The burden of shouldering all the responsibilities of parenthood can be a heavy one even in the best of times. Zapata encourages single parents to identify the positive people in their lives and reach out to them in order to lighten the load.

"Don't isolate yourself," said Zapata. "Being around others that love and care for you and your children can improve your spirits."

Single parents who want to forge new connections, and possibly new friendships, with other single parents may want to consider these options:

* First United Methodist Church of San Angelo lists a 13-week "Single & Parenting" program on their website at www.firstmethodist.net/get-help/ for single parents wanting "parenting strategies, financial and relationship training, emotional guidance, personal support, and encouragement."

* Circle of Parents® at the Children's Advocacy Center is described online as "a place where anyone in a parenting role can find and share support by openly discussing the successes and challenges of raising children." The group meets free of charge 5:30 p.m. Thursdays at 317 Koberlin Street. The group is for those parenting children of all ages and families of all types.

* Single Parent Advocate (singleparentadvocate.org) is a 501(c) non-profit agency based in Dallas, TX. While primarily serving the Dallas and surrounding area, the online blog offers tips and advice for living as a single parent, which itself is a reminder single parents have a greater community than what they might realize.

5. Create time for yourself

With the added stress of the holidays, Zapata reminds single parents not to forget to take time out for themselves. "Give yourself some time to cry, meditate, pray, sleep and relax," Zapata said.

Getting downtime not only benefits the single parent, it's also good for their loved ones who might otherwise bare the brunt of a single parent's irritability and anger.

"If you aren't taking care of yourself, you won't be able to give your best self to your kids and those who you love around you," writes Stacey Ojeda, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Glendale, CA.

Ojeda suggests single parents can create time for themselves in ways that don't need to involve large sums of money, getting away for a long time or needing child care.

"Take what works for you and find a fun way to make it kid-friendly," said Ojeda "Go for a walk ... create a cozy reading corner then take 15-20 minutes to curl up and read by yourself or with your little ones."

Final thoughts

"Attitude is everything," said Zapata, and reminds single parents this applies especially towards the Christmas season.

"When you are not feeling festive, keep in mind that you are moving forward for the sake of your children. Seeing the happiness on their faces make it all worthwhile and serve as a reminder that you are most definitely not alone during this holiday."

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