Modern parents help children navigate social media

Technology and social media have changed many aspects of society, including parenting. For Elizabeth Englander, a psychology professor at Bridgewater State University and mother of three children, technology has provided parents with one of the biggest hurdles they face.

"You have a template in your mind of what your parents did, and you use that template when you're thinking about how to address different issues with your kids," Englander said. "But when it comes to technology, there really is no template."

The founder and director of the Massachusetts Aggression Reduction Center (MARC) at Bridgewater, Englander visited the McCall Middle School on Jan. 16 to speak with Winchester parents about how to approach this challenge. Sponsored by the Winchester nonprofit group Parent to Parent, the event offered concepts and suggestions for helping children navigate technology and social media.

Along with providing research and training, MARC runs programs about cyberbullying. In her presentation to Winchester parents, Englander said most problems that children encounter with others on their devices involve peers from school rather than adult predators.

When online problems do occur, the experience does not have to be devastating, Englander said. While online adversity should not be allowed to progress too far, the issues help children learn how to deal with difficult people.

"Your child - like every child - has to have a little bit of adversity with their peers," Englander said. "It's very important developmentally."

To assist parents with navigating social media and technology, Englander provided four concepts to consider:

Content

Englander said parents should look at what children are doing online. With devices at friends' houses, libraries and schools, parents cannot control all content. Englander recommended instead that parents talk with children about problem behaviors rather than specific websites, such as posting photographs on social media without the permission of everyone pictured.

Displacement

Time spent on devices displaces other activities that help children develop, including hanging out with friends and sleeping. Englander said 71 percent of boys and 80 percent of girls reported staying up at night to text with friends when their parents thought they were sleeping. Englander suggested banning devices from the bedroom at night.

Relationships

Englander cautioned against confusing bullying with online fighting. When peers fight online, Englander suggested that parents should talk with children about how they will handle the relationship. She also said parents should ensure children understand that online conversations are not private.

Brain and emotional health

When two Snapchat friends contact each other on consecutive days, the app keeps track of the streak. A broken streak can upset a child. Parents should recognize the child's feelings, Englander said, adding that they should help children understand how social media apps attempt to manipulate emotions.

Englander said parents also should make sure children spend time away from technology.

"Children need a variety of experiences for healthy brain development," Englander said.

A healthy balance

Christine Chen was one of about 50 parents who attended the event. She said her nine-year-old daughter has a tablet and occasionally needs it for schoolwork. Chen had concerns about letting her access certain sites, especially YouTube, with its recommendations for viewing additional content.

"[Children] may not have the ability to judge what is right, what's not good to watch," Chen said.

Chen said she also did not want her daughter to become addicted to technology, adding that she found Englander's tips helpful, including guiding children through using certain apps and banning devices from the bedroom at night.

Kerry Campbell, a board member of Parent-to-Parent, said she appreciated Englander's realistic approach to negotiating social media. Campbell has three teenagers and said it can be overwhelming for parents to try to control everything children see on social media.

Mary Ellen Croteau, president of Parent-to-Parent, said it was important to have someone speak about this topic because of the pervasive use of technology among children and teenagers.

"This is something that's here to stay," Croteau said. "There's no way to stop kids from using technology."

With a nine-year age gap between the oldest and youngest of her three children, Croteau said technology has led her to approach parenting differently with the youngest, age 15.

"Because social media has changed in nine years, I feel like I'm a new parent all over again," Croteau said.