Hampton Roads nonprofit gives families with an autistic child a community, resources and fun activities for children

Aug. 20—Ten years ago, Suzi Noyes saw her autistic son, Connor, then 7, regularly being bullied.

"I needed help," Noyes says, "and I knew I wasn't alone."

Noyes, a Virginia Beach resident, responded by founding a local support group for parents with children on the autism spectrum — a safe place where families could encourage each other, tackle tough questions, connect with local resources and just be real.

That group has grown into a nonprofit, Spectrum Parents Events, which offers activities for kids of all ages, educational workshops and parent retreats for a region that stretches from upper James City County to northeastern North Carolina.

"I want to give everybody the childhood I had, which was go-go-go with adventures and fun," says Noyes, a Realtor and former special education teacher and social worker whose older son, Payton, 19, has ADHD and anxiety. "I want people to feel normal."

The latest event is a multi-city scavenger hunt that helps families explore outside their homes, follow directions, be patient and flexible, and work with others on one of five teams. The competition runs through September.

Children with autism, a developmental disorder of variable severity, commonly struggle with social skills, repetitive behaviors and communication. Many tasks are aimed at pulling kids out of their routines and sensory comfort zones: trying new foods, smelling flowers, searching for four-leaf clovers in the grass, walking on sand or across a high bridge, building human pyramids.

Most locations and participating businesses are on the Southside, although Capstan Bar Brewing Co. in Hampton has challenged competitors to post pictures and videos from its events.

Heidi French of Moyock, North Carolina, is competing with her five children, two of whom have been diagnosed with autism. The family has ridden a barrel train at Hickory Ridge Farm in Chesapeake and taken photos as they ate huge bites of muffins at the Hitching Post Education Center, also in Chesapeake.

"It's fun, especially after being kept at home so long with COVID," French says. "We just get to be silly together."

The hunt has gently pushed her kids out of what can be rigid habits, French adds. For example, her 12-year-old daughter, Mary, usually only wants pastries from Starbucks but agreed to try Hitching Post to help her team win: "It gave Mary a reason to do something new, beyond me trying to convince her."

Through Spectrum Parents Events, kids have surfed and played at beaches, feasted at cookouts, watched magic shows, tackled crafts such as sunflower wreaths and scarecrows, and celebrated holidays with Santa and the Easter Bunny.

For Halloween, volunteers pass out candy before the actual holiday. Kids with autism often feel anxious in crowds and have been scolded for grabbing too much candy due to poor fine motor skills or not saying "trick or treat" because they are nonverbal, Noyes explains.

"If my kid has a meltdown, no one is going to stare," says Amanda Deville of Newport News, mother of 11-year-old Mason. "It's just normal. It feels like a warm blanket — so relaxing and comfortable. Everybody is like, 'You do you, and we're all here for you if you need us.'"

Mason has been a chatterbox at cookouts, Easter egg hunts and a petting zoo, all important additions to his homeschooling, twice-daily therapies and love of solitary activities such as swinging, riding his scooter and watching old movies.

Spectrum also organizes parent-only gatherings such as meals, comedy shows, meditations and lectures, with the next planned weekend retreat at a private home in Toano.

"Sometimes you want to laugh together, and sometimes you just need to vent," Deville says.

French recalls one of her children having a meltdown after hearing thunder at a beach outing. Another mother, then a stranger, insisted on watching French's kids while she walked to get her car. When French hesitated, the woman handed over her wallet as a token of trust.

"This mom just GOT it," French says. "She recognized that no amount of talking, or any kind of 'tough' parenting, was going to get my daughter off that beach right then. It's a totally judgment-free zone."

Suzi Noyes hopes to keep growing the nonprofit, especially as autism now affects an estimated 1 in 54 children in the country, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

As for Connor, at 17, he is a high school graduate, has a job as a busboy and plans to take classes at Tidewater Community College.

"He's not sure what he wants to do, but he's come such a long way," Noyes says. "These kids need people who will accept them and fight for them."

Alison Johnson, ajohnsondp@yahoo.com

Want to join?

For information on ongoing and upcoming events from Spectrum Parents, visit myautismevents.com or meet.up.com/spectrum-parents-autism-meetup, or text "Autism" to 757-418-6049.

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