Pigskin pals: Stillwater high school senior and boy with autism bond over football

Saint Paul Pioneer Press - 10/28/2021

Oct. 28—Henry Pahl loves football.

He loves to play it, watch it on TV and talk about it. He dreams about it. He memorizes stats. He makes his own playbooks. He likes the Minnesota Vikings, the Kansas City Chiefs and the Pittsburgh Steelers, in that order. His favorite player is Adam Thielen; Patrick Mahomes is a close second.

Henry, 10, has autism — a central fact of his life. Social interactions can be difficult. He can't play organized sports.

"Henry's brain doesn't move as fast as other children's, but he loves football," said his mother, Amy Pahl-Zeszutek. "The number-one way that he works on behavior and stress and calm-down techniques is football. I think the joy of autism is super-memorization and hyper-focus; Henry's hyper-focus is football. He can tell you where a football player went to high school, where they played at college, and how many touchdowns they've had this year."

A few weeks ago, Henry got to do his favorite thing in the world at his favorite place in the world. He and his mom went to throw the football around at the Stillwater Area High School football stadium.

And he made a friend.

There, getting his senior photos taken, was Jayden Leach-Wirwahn, one of the captains of the Ponies football team. Jayden, 17, of Bayport, came up to Henry and asked if he wanted to throw the ball around.

"I saw he had a football helmet on, so I went over and said 'Hi' to him," said Jayden, a middle linebacker. "When I was little, I always wanted to meet the high-school players. I know how much that would have meant to me."

The boys have been buddies ever since.

They FaceTime regularly. Henry goes to Jayden's football games and sends videos on game-day via text, wishing Jayden luck. When they can, the boys meet at a practice field behind the high school and throw the football around, run routes and, of course, talk football.

"Best football player of all time? I want to say Jerry Rice," Henry said during a session last week.

"Oooh! I like that one," Jayden said.

"Him or Tom Brady," Henry said.

"Tom Brady's pretty good. That's a really good top two."

'FRIENDS ARE SO HARD'

A friend to an autistic child can help him or her overcome the social isolation and withdrawal that come with the disorder — the very symptoms that often prevent them from making those friendships in the first place.

Meeting Jayden has changed Henry's life, Pahl-Zeszutek said.

"Friends are so hard," she said. "We keep inviting kids over, and we keep asking them to play, and we're just not getting anywhere. Henry's such a great kid, but it's hard in fourth grade for other kids to see that. He's just kind of the different, quirky, where-does-he-fit-in kid, and it's hard."

During their first meeting, Jayden invited Henry to come to a practice and play catch with him and some of the other players after it was over. He gave Pahl-Zeszutek his cellphone number.

"I never expected it to go beyond that," she said. "I texted him and said, 'It was really nice of you to talk to Henry. I don't expect anything more from this.' He said, 'No, I really want to meet him more. I want him to come to practice. It means a lot to me.'"

Jayden texted the next afternoon with specific directions as to where the team would be practicing.

When Henry and his mom arrived, Jayden stopped practice. "He said, 'Coach, hold up,'" she said. "He ran over to Henry and said, 'OK. buddy, I have practice now. We're going to be out for a bit, and then we're going to go in and watch tape. Then I have to take a shower and then me and a bunch of buddies are going to come out and play with you.'

"That he took the time to explain — because Henry is all about knowing about what's going on — was just amazing," she said. "Throughout the practice, he would look over at him and give him a thumbs up, it was so great. He just cares. He gets it."

A FOOTBALL IS ALWAYS NEARBY

Henry is a fourth-grader in the Communication Interaction Program (CIP) autism-specialty program at Lily Lake Elementary School in Stillwater. He lives in Lake Elmo with his mom and stepfather, Jimmy Zeszutek; his dad, Jon Pahl, lives in Woodbury.

Henry was born with a number of neurological abnormalities, including vascular brain malformations and epilepsy. He was diagnosed with autism when he was 2. He is treated at Mayo Clinic in Rochester.

"His body doesn't work the same as someone else's; his brain doesn't, either," said Pahl-Zeszutek, office coordinator at St. Paul Lutheran Church in Stillwater. "When he and Jayden were going to go play last week, I said, 'Now, just remember you have to give him that little buffer — there's like a two-second delay.'"

Henry's love of football comes, in part, from his maternal grandfather, Gary Ridenhower, Pahl-Zaszutek said. "It comes natural to him. He enjoys other sports, but nothing compares to football. He loves the fast pace, the statistics and the accessibility of it — that you can play it anywhere and anytime. We always have a football in our car, and he often carries one in his backpack."

Henry and his mom went to Eden Prairie for Jayden's game against the Eagles last week. Henry cheered until he was hoarse and waved to Jayden every time he went on and off the field. Stillwater, previously undefeated, lost, 28-21. Henry waited on the sidelines after the game was over to talk to his friend.

"Great game," Henry said.

"We'll do better next time," Jayden said.

"You did great this time," Henry said. "You did awesome and played so good."

"Thanks, but we missed some plays," Jayden said.

"I could tell you guys were having fun and tried hard. That's what matters," Henry said.

"I could hear you cheering," Jayden said. "You were super-loud! That made me so happy."

Henry's friendship with Jayden has helped Henry learn how to be a friend to others, said Lisa Ledford, Henry's CIP teacher.

During recess last week, Henry and his classmates went out to play Gaga Ball, a mix of four square and dodgeball played in an octagonal pit. Henry stopped the game when another student approached. He introduced the new boy, explained how the game worked and had him join the game. "He's really developing these social skills," Ledford said. "It's pretty fantastic to see."

A NATURAL AT MAKING FRIENDS

Being a friend to others comes easily for Jayden, said his mother, Honour Wirwahn.

"It's just who he is," she said. "I've always raised my kids to go out of their way to just be nice because you never know what somebody is going through. My kids get irritated, because we'll go shopping, and I have to stop and find the boss of somebody to tell them they're doing a good job because it's just the right thing to do.

"I think Jayden sees himself in Henry out there playing with his mom," Wirwahn said. "I don't care if they work for a Fortune 500 company or they sell lemonade at a lemonade stand on the corner, I just want them to be good people."

Brent Voight, east metro area director of the Minnesota Fellowship of Christian Athletes, happened to see Jayden and Henry playing football together at SAHS earlier this month.

"Witnessed something awesome tonight at the high school," he wrote in a post that night on the "Pony Pride the Horsepower of ISD 834" Facebook page. "One of the varsity football players knows a younger, autistic student. This kid dreams of playing football at the high school. (Jayden) and his teammates stayed for over an hour — meaning they were at school for over 12 hours! — to play football with the kid, running routes, making plays, celebrating him. ... I believe the community plays a large part in raising the kids of the community. Well done, Stillwater, for raising these four boys to care about others, to be aware of opportunities to use what we have to positively impact others."

Stillwater football coach Beau LaBore said Jayden didn't befriend Henry to get attention. Jayden did it, he said, "because it felt right and because giving is receiving. That is everything."

"Both of them are sweet kids," LaBore said. "This is from the heart — that's the best part about it. Jayden did it because he has embraced our belief that giving is receiving, and he genuinely did what he thought was the right thing to do — to befriend someone in a situation and to spread the joy of football."

A SPECIAL MOMENT

On Friday night, Stillwater will face Eagan at home in their first playoff game of the season. LaBore has invited Henry to walk out with Jayden for the coin toss before the game.

Henry has invited everyone he can think of — grandparents, teachers, neighbors — to the game, Pahl-Zeszutek said.

"His cheering section for the first playoff game is growing quickly," she wrote in an Oct. 14 email to LaBore. "He said last night he can do anything as long as Jayden is by his side, a profound statement for him. Coach, what you teach these gentlemen clearly shows."

Pahl-Zeszutek grew up in Afton and graduated from SAHS in 1998. She moved with her family to Lake Elmo's Wildflower neighborhood in 2019.

"This is a top-down thing," she said. "It's coming from the top. It's coming from these boys' being fantastic. It's coming from the whole community. It's why we moved back. We were living in Lakeville for a couple of years, and I said, 'We've got to get back to Stillwater. That is where the goodness is.' I love being back here."

LaBore joined the boys at a practice session last week. Henry handed him his Nerf football and had him run a zig-zag route.

"You got the coach of the Stillwater High School football team to run your play?" Pahl-Zeszutek asked him later.

"Yep," said Henry, nodding proudly.

"Holy moly! I don't think anyone else can say that," she said.

"That's pretty amazing," Jayden said. "He was an All-American linebacker in college."

"Hey, Jayden," Henry said. "I'm really good at stopping. If I run full speed, I can stop in two seconds. I'll show you."

Conversations between Henry and Jayden cover everything from favorite college teams to favorite movies. Henry likes the Georgia Bulldogs and "Super Buddies"; Jayden likes Ohio State and "Cars." Their favorite candy is Skittles. When Jayden goes to Henry's house next weekend to watch "Spooky Buddies," the boys are going to have pizza, popcorn and Skittles.

Henry told Jayden he has this advice for the team as they gear up to face the Wildcats on Friday night: "Get those interceptions, and get the sacks," he said.

"Yeah, go get the football, I like that," Jayden said.

"And get the safeties," Henry added.

A FRIEND FOR LIFE

Jayden hopes to play football in college next year. Henry keeps asking him where he plans to go because he wants to go with him, Pahl-Zeszutek said.

She said she hopes the boys' friendship will inspire others to be kind and embrace people with neurodiversity or physical differences.

While driving to school one morning a few weeks ago, Henry asked his mother if she thought Jayden was his friend.

"I said, 'Yes, he is. He truly cares for you and thinks you are awesome,'" she said. "'Remember how many times he told you yesterday? How many fist bumps and high fives he gave you? That he said they want to play again? That he made sure we knew where to go for practice and he texted me to say he was so glad you came to play with him?'

"'Those are things a friend does. Jayden is your friend.'"

"Mom, do you think he will always be my friend?" Henry asked.

"Yes, yes I do," she said.

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