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Susan Provost: Column: #ActuallyAutistic: Social anxiety, its crippling effect and coping

Duncan Banner - 2/28/2023

Feb. 25—Social anxiety is crippling. I am autistic and social anxiety is a common aspect of that. Large, crowded places put me on edge. There are too many sounds, smells, bright lights for my brain to keep up with and it can overload me quickly. Add to that interactions with other people. I am not saying it's a bad thing, it just takes me more energy to navigate social norms and facial expressions than others because I have to manual process this information that comes automatically to most non-autistic and non-neurodivergent people.

I make modifications to my daily routine that allow me to keep calm and on-task when at the store. Before the pandemic, I would do my shopping late at night to avoid crowds. At the time I worked second shift and Wal-Mart stores were still 24 hours, so I would do my store runs either when I got off work right at midnight or got home and have some food before a 2 a.m. store run. The pandemic stopped that and I had to switch to early hours if I was still awake, or brave the crowds with my noise canceling headphones. They work great for me, but also leave me feeling a bit vulnerable at the same time, as it's easier for someone to seemingly appear behind me and startle me. I then joined The Banner and had an early morning commute from Lawton.

This actually works well, as I can get my dry goods and personal needs shopping done in the early morning hours here in Duncan before I start my work day. I would also like to take a moment to praise the early morning Duncan Wal-Mart staff — a few of you have seen me in an agitated state close to a meltdown in the mornings and been absolutely wonderful in how you helped me. Not only did you help me find my items, you did so in a way that calmed me and you did not make me feel ashamed for one second. That means the world to me.

But my struggles can seem mild when you look at more of our stories. One person in particular is my partner, Marci. She needs noise canceling every time we go out, even if it's not crowded. She is seeking an autism diagnosis as an adult, but is also otherwise neurodivergent as well. She is schizophrenic. Schizophrenia is often shown in movies and on TV as never knowing hallucinations from reality and having disordered and violent behavior. Which is wrong in a number of ways. What entertainment tends to forget is that schizophrenics are actually many more times likely than the average person to be the VICTIMS of both non-violent and violent crime and not the perpetrators. Another side rarely shown is the social anxiety that comes part and parcel for most schizophrenics.

What is also interesting is how schizophrenia and autism were initially thought of as the same condition 100 years ago. It wasn't until the '70s that the differences were clearly defined by psychiatrists. However, in recent years the links between the two have become stronger. There is not only a significant overlap in the effects the two have, there is now genetic evidence suggesting the two are in fact connected after all. Children who are diagnosed with childhood-onset schizophrenia are higher than the average population to also be autistic, potentially as high as 30-50% of cases. Roughly 8% of adult autistics in one study were also schizophrenic. Children diagnosed as autistic are more likely to have a schizophrenic mother than the general population as well. Autistic adults are also more likely to report having seen phantom shapes, colors even though nothing is there. And then, those who are either autistic or schizophrenic are more likely to experience bullying, social isolation, and discrimination.

I will take comfort items with me when I am moving out of my comfort areas (usually my home office or our bedroom). Marci will bring her comfort items with her everywhere. We both startle easily. A backfire from a passing car might jolt me or even make me cry, but it can jolt Marci hard enough that she will lose her balance and fall. Life being as unpredictable as it is, makes this potentially dangerous depending on when and where it happens. Unfortunately, any "odd" or "weird" behavior (which is entirely involuntary I remind you) like this is seen as something intentional or faked to many outsiders, who will then hurl hateful words and a certain middle digit at you. Again, not always, but often enough to shake your faith in humanity. Marci will have hallucinations and knows exactly what they are, but then still have to navigate the world with them running interference with her senses and how she interacts with the world. Once in a while, she will ask for reassurance that the negative voices that sound like mine were in fact the voices and not me. I will gently confirm that the negative voices were what she heard. I've been told that some people get tired of this sort of thing, but to me this is just what you need to do to be a part of Marci's world and I will gladly pay that admission price.

Social anxiety may start on a hard-wired or brain chemistry basis, but daily negative reinforcements from discrimination and bullying further cement the social isolation neurodivergent people such as Marci and I have felt and often still feel. We often communicate in slightly varied ways from most, leaving us wondering how we have accidentally insulted someone or seemed to not care (sharing a story of a time you relate to what someone just told you can look like you're trying to make the situation about yourself when you don't know all the social rules). The world is a confusing and scary place for everyone and when you're in a constant state of anxiety on top of it, it can feel too much to take. Depression is often lurking in the tiniest of shadows of a sunny day. Neurodivergent folks have a very high comorbidity of depression as well. I would like to let everyone, neurodivergent or neurotypical, know that if you're feeling like life isn't worth it anymore to please text for call 988 for the suicide and crisis hotline. And maybe don't wait until September for Suicide Prevention Month to let someone know it's ok to not be ok and you're there for them.

Susan Provost is an account executive with The Duncan Banner. To reach her, email classifieds@duncanbanner.com.

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