How parents and teachers can help kids nervous about returning to school

Chicago Tribune - 8/19/2021

After a year of isolation and online schooling, some children might be beyond ready to return to school buildings. Others might be nervous about seeing friends again or being back in public spaces following more than a year of COVID-19 worries.

Many students might have a mix of feelings, said Dr. John Walkup, chair of the Pritzker Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Health at Lurie Children’s Hospital.

“Anxiety is a healthy human emotion,” he said.

Parents might be worried about children returning to schools after a year of isolation and stress. A March 2021 report from Lurie Children’s Hospital noted that nearly half of Chicago parents had talked with their child’s primary care doctor about mental or behavioral health concerns they had for their child within the last six to 12 months.

Walkup said most children will have normal anxiety, which is triggered by things that are relatively universal, he said, like taking a test or getting on a roller coaster. Most kids might have a mix of anxiety and excitement about getting back to school.

“Those kids are going to bounce along and get through it,” he said.

Some kids might have a disorder of anxiety, and might require treatment. Signs could include triggers during normal developmental activities that most kids love. For example, separation problems with being apart from caretakers or even in a different room; social anxiety in highly sensitive and self-conscious kids who won’t raise their hand at school, join groups to play or who have limited eye contact; and generalized anxiety in kids who worry about the past and future on topics like death.

As far as generally helping kids transition, he reminds parents that kids take cues from them.

“If you’re afraid,” he said, “you’ll communicate that fear. Anxiety is highly contagious.”

He added, “They pick up on it before you’re even thinking about it. It’s their full-time job to watch and monitor you.”

His biggest advice for parents is to listen. If a child seems nervous, ask why. It may not be what you expect — they may feel, for example, they don’t have the right clothes. Often if you hear out a child, the concern is something that you can tackle together.

“Parents get in the way of understanding what their kids’ concerns are,” Walkup said. “They don’t listen well, and they don’t explore what their kids are saying and thinking.”

A response like, “Well you have to go back,” might not be helpful and instead could shut down conversations, he added. “Listen, listen, listen.”

And talk through with your child how you will handle each day, going through mask wearing and washing hands. Remind them we know the steps to prevent transmission, and that the family has already been taking precautions.

For children who are worried about germs, offer to learn more information together about anything they might be worried about, said Cynthia Catchings, a therapist with Talkspace, an online therapy provider.

Remind children that parents are taking precautions to help them feel safe at school and will take care of them, she said. Say things like, “We may not have all the answers, but let’s hear your questions, and we can find some answers together.”

Catchings suggested driving by school or spending some time at a friend’s house, to help ease any nervousness about returning to a social situation. If a kid is still nervous about this, say, “We are not forcing you, but let’s try to stay a few more minutes and see how you feel.”

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s tips on back-to-school transitions suggest that teachers and administrators provide virtual connections with parents, like video calls, and connect parents to other parents. They also suggest in-person meetings outside on the playground to let children meet the teacher and other children.

Parents should ask teachers about the best way to separate from the child at the start of the day (brief goodbyes are best). During that goodbye, stay calm and reassuring, with a calm voice and relaxed face and body.

And remember that as with everything in parenting, this will be but one phase. Handling adversity is a skill, and children have learned to be resilient during this pandemic.

abowen@chicagotribune.com