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Youth in crisis: In their words -- teens and parents battle a mental health crisis

Mountaineer - 7/6/2022

Jul. 6—Between 2009 and 2019, the percentage of teens who reported having "persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness" rose from 26 to 37 percent. That number has now jumped to 44 percent, according to a survey published at the end of March by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). The increase is due in part to the pandemic-required isolation of teens during school, some of whom already experienced anxiety and depression.

"Our kids are not OK," said Dr. Mollie Harrington-Weaver, a physician with Haywood Pediatrics, who faces daily the heartbreak of mental health issues in some of her patients. "Child mental health is an official crisis."

Part 1 of the series "Mental Health Woes Soar" (The Mountaineer, Wed., June 15) explained the breadth of hopelessness many of our young people are feeling, including suicidal thoughts. Four Haywood County health professionals told of their day-to-day experiences and spoke about the lack of sufficient mental health clinicians to whom teens and parents can be referred.

Today, in their own words, we hear from parents, students and teachers of Haywood County. Most of them have asked to remain anonymous to protect the privacy of their children.

A Haywood County mother reflects on her daughter's anxiety

"The number of teenagers with mental issues would astound people," said a Haywood County mother. "COVID-19 isolation from friends meant my daughter was home by herself for a year and a half. Can you imagine a 16-year-old girl with autism self-directing herself through her school work?

"But even after she went back to school, things were different. My daughter was bullied in her classrooms. She would come home and tell me the things that were being said to her and gestures being made at her. Then, with social media, the problem bleeds from day into the evenings. Our young people can't get away from it even at home. They need sunlight, outdoor activities and time away from the screen.

A Haywood parent talked about the challenges of finding care for her suicidal teen

Three and a half years ago, a local high school student tried to kill himself by taking two bottles of prescription drugs. One was Albuterol, a bronchodilator used to treat asthma and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, and the other was an antidepressant both prescribed to him.

"As family, we were fortunate to have an amazing medical team in the Haywood Regional Medical Center emergency department," said his parents. "We were very grateful for their care during that first 24 hours.

"Finding a psychiatrist who accepts teenagers has been really challenging though," his mother said. "After the suicide attempt, we were connected with a psychiatrist in Asheville who didn't take our insurance. We went with him anyway because he was connected to the treatment team R. had at the mental hospital. The care he received through that psychiatrist was not that great. He switched R.'s medicine four or five times.

"The following year was the pandemic. R.'s mental health continued to deteriorate during that time. Honestly, the only thing that saved him was being able to go to summer camp.

"Doing school from home was really hard, as it was for so many. He had never made less than an A in his life, then almost failed his junior year. There were days he would just stare at his computer for hours without doing anything. We found him on the floor of his room or even the kitchen floor unable to move. He cried and cried and said he couldn't see how he was ever going to feel better. He again had suicidal thoughts during that time and went as far as looping a belt on a light fixture. We considered re-admitting him, but instead increased his regular therapy.

"We are especially grateful for the administration of his high school who helped him get through to graduation.

"Fortunately, R. seems to be doing a lot better now. He continues with the same therapist he's been with for almost five years. His senior year was almost normal. He is still unfocused about what he wants to do, but I don't worry every single day that he might do something to himself."

A Haywood County high school student reflects on the last few years

"Mental health is definitely a problem for teens," he said. "A lot of times students don't feel comfortable talking about it. For me, during COVID, I wasn't use to managing my own time and responsibilities. I'd never before had issues with balancing coursework, but I really struggled with assignments.

"I've seen students who strived for excellence but have lost that focus now," he said. "Some of us are not putting out effort like we did before. We softened up, adding to depression. It brings you down mentally.

"We have classwork and scheduling counselors, who work really hard, but I feel that a school staff member, more like the ones in elementary/middle school, could be helpful as an emotional counselor. We need an adult who focuses on helping overwhelmed students with time management, accountability, and mental issues of depression or loneliness. Someone private to talk to, a more neutral person on campus.

"I know not everyone has good support at home or even at school, but this is the support kids need to stay the course."

A mother of two children, who has depression

"I've been burned for months. I know what it feels like to be hopeless," a local mother said as tears flowed. "The kids have nowhere to turn and don't want to look for help. My kids are completely different children. When you take away friends, sports, and then they can't leave home (during the epidemic), it's hard. Adults know other outlets. For the young, their whole life was put on hold.

"These kids have to know they won't always feel this way. That life won't always be this way. They need someone who can help them. I wish the schools had designated individuals for those in crisis; a person educated in mental health."

The mother noted that when students were learning virtually at home, they received a passing grade for a class simply by logging in. "Now they have to work at their studies but are not tuned in," she said. "I've been burdened with my kids and have been battling my own depression," she said tearfully. "Fortunately, I realize I'm not alone. Celebrate Recovery at Long's Chapel United Methodist Church is very helpful."

Insights from a 15-year-old female student who enters high school in August

"A large part of helping those with mental health issues is education. School counselors are unable to properly help students with emotional problems and have too many struggling teens. We need help and education to explain and combat our mental struggles. Students don't understand coping mechanisms and how to ask for help.

"If our schools provided needed psychologists and counselors and encouraged healthy coping mechanisms, students could better deal with their mental health. Waiting a week for a counselor and to have only five minutes to help you cannot properly benefit struggling teens.

"Additionally, many kids are unable to reach out for help outside of school. Students should be informed of out-of-school resources. These include licensed therapists, at-home coping mechanisms and mental health centers. If students had more resources to rely on, counselors would be less strained and students could be better helped."

A middle school teacher reflects"I am the mother of three boys and also a middle school teacher here in Haywood County. I have seen firsthand the impacts of our children's deteriorating mental health over the past several years. I'm not alone. I've had many conversations with other moms, other educators, and even with my son's doctor who he sees for anxiety and depression. It always comes down to this: Something is very wrong with our kids.

"As a mom, I want what all mothers want, for my boys to be happy. In their early years, that was simple. They were enthusiastic, joyful, and thrilled with the simplest of treats. They were children, and life was magical. But then things began to change.

"My oldest son, who had always had social anxiety, began to be more and more withdrawn. He was sad a lot and quick to anger. Moody and ungrateful. Most of this I attributed to hormones, assuming he would bounce back to his old self when the ravages of puberty subsided. But that didn't happen.

"One night he confessed to me that he was overwhelmed by a sense of hopelessness, and we finally recognized the torment he was experiencing. I took him to see Dr. Mollie Harrington at Haywood Pediatrics."

At that visit, the mother said, her son met criteria as a Highly Sensitive Person. "Or, in the mental health world, they're known as an HSP," Harrington said. "This trait has been found to be in approximately 10 percent of the population who experience deeply felt, intense emotions and are easily overwhelmed by stimuli."

"We researched and saw how perfectly this diagnosis fit," said the mother. After talking with the doctor, [my son] felt seen. For the first time in a long time, he didn't feel like he was alone. He began taking medication, which helped him enormously, and I will forever be grateful for the wise counsel we received that day from Dr. Harrington.

"My middle son had never had the anxiety or depression of his older brother, but following the pandemic's onset, he suddenly began to withdraw, as well. He barely spoke to us, barely saw his friends, and refused to tell me what was wrong. We found out he was cutting his arms, and we were devastated. What happened to our carefree boy?

"My husband put his foot down and insisted he join a sport, our saving grace. Everything changed. Now, a little over a year later, our kid who we were worried sick about, is a three-sport athlete with a new lease on life. My gratitude goes to the coaches and teammates who impacted my son in such a profound way. He's found his passion, and it's made all the difference.

"Not every kid needs medication or needs to join a sport. But every kid, in our homes and our classrooms, needs someone to listen to them, love them and work with them to provide support."

Amanda Jopling Wells is the lead teacher at Tuscola High School and mother of three school-aged children. As a parent and educator, she's felt the challenges of the past two years.

"During the pandemic and isolation, I was balancing teaching the students who depended on me, while trying to make sure my own children were attending online classes and doing their best in the oddest circumstances we had seen in their lifetime," she said. "I tried to make sure my own kids got outside and away from computers and technology for at least part of the day.

"When we started back to school, I saw a definite change in students. Health professionals and teachers have talked about the lack of social development during this time. In schools we are not just seeing the lack of appropriate communication skills with some students, but they lack the coping skills necessary to navigate relationships with their peers, classwork, decision making and self-management.

"Academically, we see what educators call 'the gap' increasing. Students who had the resources, support and motivation to learn during COVID have higher grades and test scores than their classmates who may not have had that motivation and support.

"Now is the time for families, churches and schools to open lines of communication and teach students about resiliency and healthy ways to relieve stress. Encourage students that it is okay for them to reach out for help when they feel hopeless."

The third part of the series will offer suggestions on how to help teens and parents cope.

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