How to Help

By: Healthwise

Many victims of domestic violence are willing to talk about their relationship when they are approached in a kind and understanding manner. But don't confront a victim if she is not ready to talk. Let her know you are willing to listen whenever she wants to talk. Be understanding if a woman is unable to leave. She knows her situation best and when it is safest to leave.

Reassure her that the abuse is not her fault and that no one deserves to be abused. If she has children, gently point out that you are concerned that the violence is affecting them. Many victims do not understand that their children are being harmed until someone else voices the concern.

Remind the victim that domestic violence is against the law and that help is available. You may be able to help a victim understand her options. Be willing to assist in any way you can with transportation, money, or child care. Encourage your friend to talk with a health professional. If the victim is a coworker, encourage her to talk to the human resource manager and her supervisor. Studies show that such intervention can save lives.

The most dangerous time for a victim of domestic violence is when she is leaving an abusive relationship, so any advice about leaving must be knowledgeable and practical. Also, be very careful when offering or providing shelter in your home; you could put yourself and your family in jeopardy.

Helping a woman contact local domestic violence groups is an important step. If you know someone who is being abused, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or see the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence's Web site at http://www.ncadv.org/resources/state.htm to find the nearest program offering shelter and legal support. There are many programs across the country that provide options for safety, advocacy, support, and needed information and services.

Encourage and help your friend develop a safety plan, a strategy to keep her and her children safe during a violent incident, when preparing to leave, and after leaving. For more information, see the Developing a Safety Plan section of this topic.